Oh god, where do I even begin... I fucking love Angela. I've loved her since the day I played Library of Ruina for the first time, it was love at first sight. She might be a fictional character, but she's honestly the closest I'll ever get to my "second half" due to the parallels in the way we think, act, our views on the world... Even our traumas are very similar. It would be easy to chalk my thoughts all down to, "she's just like me frfr" but that statement wouldn't even begin to do my true feelings any justice in the slightest.

So... Why do I love Angela so much, specifically?

Well, to answer that, I would have to do a deep dive into my own past, as well as Angela's. For starters, Angela was created within an underground facility in Lobotomy Corporation, away from civilization. The only people she ever knew on a personal level (if you could say as much) were her creators and the Sefirah. Even then, in the spirit of "a machine must behave as a machine," she could not form close bonds with any of them outside of their harsh work enviroment, with Angela being the one to give the Sefirah orders and such.

Additionally, one of her creators, Ayin, was always cold and distant towards Angela for simply existing, believing that she was nothing but a machine and that she could never live up to the expectations of being a creation akin to Carmen, because she was not and could never be her. Carmen's nervous system was used as a blueprint to create Angela, and yet Angela was so vastly different from her that Ayin wanted nothing to do with her, on top of Angela's existence being a constant reminder of the harsh sacrifices that were made for the Seed of Light project. On top of that, Angela was forced into a cruel cycle where she was bound to the scripts, and any deviation from those scripts would cause the cycle to begin anew, forcing Angela to live through the horrors that was Lobotomy Corporation over and over again, for so many long, grueling years.

I believe that's a botched re-telling and summary, but you get the idea. So, what does this have to do with me? Well, our pasts are very different, but all the same as well. Strange, isn't it?

Unfortunately, I, too, know the pains of being locked away and isolated for pretty much your whole life, on top of having a family that didn't want you, and constantly reminded you how terrible you are for simply living, and that they would be better off if you were never even conceived. That was my reality growing up.

To make matters worse, I was forced to have a myriad of operations done on me that I didn't truly need, all of this happening while I was a child, so I was forced to simply go along with it, my child brain not understanding the true gravity of the situation I was in. Even still, I was never allowed to go outside or really leave my room. I didn't have anyone I could call a friend, no family to love or give a shit about me... All I really had was the internet, and even then, it was more of a double-edged sword. This was how I lived for pretty much my whole life, so I can relate to Angela deeply on those matters. Being a loner who never really (still doesn't) know what it truly means to be "wanted," seeing a character who went through extremely similar things is... Almost comforting, in a sort of twisted way. We also share the same views on revenge, how we deserve to take what's rightfully hours after being hurt for so long simply because we existed.

In Library of Ruina, Angela builds a grandiose, monolithic Library to collect books from outside City-dwellers with two purposes: to learn about the outside world that she was denied of being part of, and to obtain the "one true book" which would ultimately make her human, thus setting her free and allowing her to truly be... Well, herself. She was denied the ability to make decisions on her own and to live the life she wanted, so this was her way of taking all of that back and finally living life the way she wants, on her own terms. While it involves the death of countless "guests," she believed that it was the only way to achieve her goals, especially because that was what she was used to anyway. In her eyes, there was no other way. She was doing what she knew, regardless of how flawed it was.

While I certainly have no intentions of going on a mass killing-spree—nor would I ever be able to make a massive Library on my own—I too can heavily relate to the desire to live life my own way. Growing up, I didn't get to live the life I truly wanted. I had all of the decisions made for me, and to make matters worse, the heavy trauma I endured (a lot of which has been omitted from this specific page), it messed me up as a person, I think. Because of everything I went through, there was a very long period of time where I wanted nothing more than to simply cease to exist. I thought that maybe if I didn't live, I wouldn't have to suffer from the burdens of the past anymore. While remnants of that mind-set still exists within my psyche like weeds in a garden, I came to my own little epiphany that I really would like to live, to live a life that I forge on my own, without the influence of those around me. After all, I suffered more than a lot of people, so don't I deserve to live by my own rules? You only live once, so there's no better way to spend it than to live the way I truly want to. Additionally, I'm very heavy with my beliefs in freedom of expression, so I've chosen to live a life where I can be however I want, whatever I like, without worrying about the opinions of others. I don't think I would've ever adopted that mindset if it weren't for Angela and watching her grow as a character during my playthroughs of Library of Ruina. I think I owe it to her for the way I am.

These similarities in both past and personality are a big part of why I love Angela so dearly. If it were possible for me to pull her from my screen, I would love nothing more than to treasure and cherish her with every fibre of my being, the way I wish I could every time I play Lobotomy Corporation or Library of Ruina. We are both broken beings who simply want redemption and our own chances at life, so to me, she is the closest to my other half that I will ever get to. I want to shower her with love, spend my life with her, get married to her. After all she's been through, she deserves nothing but love, and I sincerely believe that I can provide it for her, especially since I know what she's been through on a deep, personal level, as someone who experienced parallel traumas first-hand. I want to give her the world, because she deserves it.

I apologize if this seems out-of-touch or doesn't make sense. I simply wanted to make a special post for my beloved Angela while also giving some insight as to why I feel the way I do about her (outside of physical attraction and lust, of course). Truthfully, I don't think I have ever felt the way I do about Angela towards any other character, nor do I see myself feeling this way about any other character in the future. Angela will always hold a very deep, very special place in my heart, reserved only for my Angela, my lovely wife.